The More You Know...The More You Don't Know.

Sometimes you think you know yourself. And then a single act, or series of events happen, and you discover new boundaries you never knew existed within your own being. Some people thrive exploring this existential 'zone' of their lives, while others aren't comfortable enough to even acknowledge it. I feel like for the past few years I have been bouncing between these two worlds. I've been struggling with a dull existence in south Florida, a place that, for the most part, I despise...while at the same time traveling to and exploring everywhere my budget will allow me, so as to open my mind and heart up to new things. There are days that I feel complacent, looking back at the 7 days of the week that have past, and scolding myself for the opportunities that have escaped me. Then there are days that I feel invigorated at the new experiences I've had, the people I've met, or the moments I relish on the calendar that lie ahead of me. What I've come to learn and understand is...the more you know...the more you don't know.

Sometimes you think you know a person. Whether it be a friend or a lover, they are that one person whom you trust with your thoughts, feelings and emotions. At some point, your walls or barriers crumble down and you expose all your vulnerabilities to them. They have the power, whether it be through words or actions, to cut you to your core. There are others that, while you may not have considered them closest to you, prove to be the people that have your best interests at heart. What I've come to learn and understand is...the more you think you know someone...the more you don't know them.

I'm happy to have experienced moments of reckoning this past week. It has made clearer all that I thought I knew...and all that I have to learn.

Why I Haven't Missed Facebook

This year for Lent I decided to give up my unacknowledged addiction to Facebook, and I must say, it's been one of the most eye-opening experiences I've had in a while. I will be the first to admit, initially it was hard. I didn't realize how habitual it was for me to click on that little 'F' button on my iphone, or unconsciously log on from my computer when talking on the phone at work. The first few days I felt like an addict going thru a withdrawal spell. Then, almost as unconsciously as the one-sided relationship had developed, I realized that it was no longer significant for me to have my 'Newsfeed' fix.

I learned I didn't miss the drama either. There was no love lost from seeing the 'friends' that pretend to be close to others with insanely smothering posts of adulation and affection, while stabbing in the back those same people any time they have an audience. I didn't miss the self-absorbed posts of how people were spending their every-milli-second of their day, trying to out-post their list of cyber friends with how great their lives were or what they were doing. I felt like the chatter in my head subsided a little. I wasn't caught up in keeping up with the lives of others, and have been focusing on things in my own life that I want to achieve or overcome.

What's even more ironic is, as I went thru this Facebook cleanse, it became even more apparent how many people are ruled by the details floating around in the cyber world. Someone else had actually noticed that another friend of mine was seemingly 'snubbing' me lately and actually made a comment about it to me. Since I haven't been active on Facebook, I couldn't really ascertain why someone else would come to that conclusion...and it's even more ironic that that is how microscopic our lives have become in this internet age.

The one thing that became crystal clear thru this 40 day cleanse....I'd rather have one TRUE friend instead of 500 FAKE ones.

Giving Up What Needs Giving Up.

There's really no way around saying this, so I'll just come right out and say it. 2010 sucked. Like hardcore. I felt like was living under a dark cloud the past year. Well, in all fairness, not ALL 365 days...just most of them. Dating drama. Rocky roads with friendships. Natural disasters disrupting dream vacations. But the darkest days...the ones that shook me to my core, was a cancer scare that took six months to resolve as a concern rather than diagnosis. There is nothing more humbling then to think of something eating at you from the inside out. But it seems if it wasn't a 'sickness', it was every other situation.

So as spring is offering the opportunity for 'cleansing' and 'out with the old', I am going to make a very conscience effort to rid my life of the things, people, emotions, feelings and all the other crap and baggage that held me down in 2010. My life needs a fresh coat of paint. Something of a gentler, calming, subtler shade.

As I sit her writing this, listening to my David Gray CD, I can't help be laugh at the irony of the lyrics playing now..."Wave hello, say goodbye".